Sometimes, I get that kind of moment when there's nothing in my mind. Like, it just goes blank. Nothing really to think about, or to worry about, even if it's about Tourkassa. It's just empty, it's similar to that feeling I got when my Marine Science class had a field trip to somewhere in Chesapeake Bay and we stopped by at a park to get some lunch. As I laid on the grass, starred at the sky, just trying to feel breeze of the wind caressing my skin, listening to the birds chirping somewhere in that park, I wasn't keeping up with the time. It felt slow, but it was actually fast. I wasn't aware that minutes and hours had past.

I wouldn't call it peaceful. I wouldn't say it's a negative thing to do. It just nice (sometimes) to be idle, to be in a lull.


Berakal // Berkuasa - Kamis, 20 April 2017


Kamis, 20 April 2017 - 18.00
Ruang Gerilya -- Jl. Raden Patah no. 12 Bandung.

Sebuah talkshow untuk umum yang menghadirkan para ODS (Orang Dengan Skizofrenia) yang sebelumnya telah berpartisipasi dalam lokakarya public speaking bersama Theoresia Rumthe. Theoresia Rumthe adalah pemateri yang sering membuka kelas-kelas public speaking dan sempat aktif menjadi penyiar radio di Bandung.

Kegiatan ini diadakan bersama Kelompok Peduli Skizofrenia Indonesia (KPSI) Simpul Bandung dalam rangkaian Atma Wimala for Humanity Festival.


Side Dishes : Pameran karya-karya ODS, dengan diskusi paska pagelaran.


THE 1st ATMA WIMALA FOR HUMANITY FESTIVAL, by Komunitas Peduli Skizofrenia Indonesia (KPSI) Simpul Bandung

Sebagai gerakan kesehatan jiwa terbesar pertama di Bandung, Atma Wimala bertujuan mengajak masyarakat untuk melihat sisi lain dari Orang Dengan Skizofrenia (ODS) dan Orang Dengan Gangguan Jiwa (ODGJ). Langkah ini diharapkan dapat menghilangkan stigma di masyarakat mengenai isu kesehatan jiwa.


A = A'

I woke up to a racing heart and drenched in sweat. Another bad dream. I tried to move my right arms that had my cat fallen asleep on. It was 3.46 am. another graveyards. another shadows in my dreams.

This room was so empty all I could hear is just my cats' snores. My mind wandered, what once lived, now has died. I moved out again, from one place to another. I packed my stuff, took pictures of my last home, and put my belongings in the car. I left shortly after. I brought my succulents too, the ones I started having as a therapy to my depression which I had last year, just a few months ago. I thought I needed a new hobby, so gardening it was.

It’s been a month since I started a new life at this new-but-old place. I lived here years ago, when I just graduated from high school. And then I've lived in.. probably three other places after that. One was in Jakarta and two were in Bandung. My last place was in the northern part of Bandung, which I have lived for 1.5 years. It's a really nice place to relax, to be lazy (haha), and just to stay in especially when it was raining. Cuddle weather. Also, it was a good place (I think) to adopt a cat. Which I did. I started with one cat and named him Timmy because I like the Fairly OddParents. He was super active. He liked to go to the woods and climbed the trees, also brought home frogs just to play with it. A month later I got him a baby brother, Aylo, and it only took them a week to get along. Me and Doni used to be a Papa & Mama Cat. He would put them to sleep in the afternoon and I would take care of their foods everyday (also online ordering their necessities).

Things were changed since I moved out. My cats are (still) getting used to the new place, seemed like they liked it but I knew they would prefer to live at our previous place. My succulents didn't do well here; slowly, one by one died. Started with my favorite one, I don't know what type of succulent it was but it had wide leaves and it's kind of curly on the tip of the leaf. I threw out a lot of stuff, thinking that I needed to live minimally. Bags, unused clothes, or things I kept only for sentimental reason, I threw it out. The rest that I'm still keeping, I put them in big containers, labeled them as whatever it has on the inside. My mom was wondering, why I did such thing? I told her, we cut out anything unnecessary. It would be a burden to us, no need to keep them, since we're no longer using them, not even looking at them.

Here's a picture of Timmy, he's 9 months old now.

Just now, I'm heading back from Jakarta to Bandung. I remembered that feeling I had when I took the same trip, the one before this. I was ecstatic, I've had moved to Jakarta, and stayed there only for a week when I really missed home in Bandung. Doni picked me up at the train station. I felt like I actually went home, he was the source of my happiness... He was everything to me. Though now I learnt a lot. I learnt that in a relationship, no matter how tough, how hard the situation is, it takes two to get through it. It's not only about 'me', it's also about 'him/her' too. I learnt it the hard way from my parents, from past relationships I had, that once 'I' got mad, I couldn't think clearly anymore. Wouldn't even bother to see the problem from 'my' partner's point of view. Which is dangerous, would leave 'my' partner in frustration, since he/she could feel exhausted too. 'I' need to be selfless, to stop thinking how to get whatever 'I' want without considering other's position.

He also taught me that acceptance has an important role in relationship. It's normal for a person to have flaws, to have bad habits... It made me think of viscosity, the density in liquids. I associated acceptance as three cups that have three types of liquid inside; one is denser than the other, filled in different amount on each cup, and we just got to make up out mind what we're going to get. Anything we get, we would have all three liquids.. only on different amounts.


Soon as I realized that, I've lost everything I had. The most humanely perfect relationship that might never come back again.


Sentolopology Art Project

The only thing I know about art scene in Surabaya is Pasar Seni Lukis Indonesia and Biennale Jatim, which, I only heard from friends. I've never been to Surabaya before. When one of my friend was speaking for a discussion in Pasar Seni Lukis Indonesia, he sent me pictures of the event and the first thing that came into my mind was "whoa, that's a lot of money in a 10-days-artfair transaction". I heard Biennale Jatim from...... I think when we were talking about Biennial in Indonesia, and mentioned Jakarta, Jogja, Sumatra, Makassar, also Jatim.

That's it.

So, in November, Ruang Gerilya was exhibiting this project, Sentolopology Art Project, which is started by two young guys from Surabaya, Impoe and Robby. They were collecting data about art scene--or art world--condition in Surabaya between 2010-2016. The project went as they visited one by one artist, collective, curator, and writer residing in Surabaya, as well as some galleries and other who had been working in/for Surabaya art scene. Ruang Gerilya consists of two rooms, one is the front room, where they put artifacts, writings, and documentations (see pictures below).

The second room, which is the dark mirror room (because the wall is painted black and there's a mirror installed on two sides of the room), was where Impoe and Robby stacked lots of catalogs and books, related to their project about artscene/artworld in Surabaya between 2010-2016. They borrowed those catalogs and books from artists/collectives/curators/writers/galleries they visited for the project. The stacks was in the middle of the room, some were above a small coffee table, some were inside an opened suitcase, some were on the floor. They purposedly turned off the lights, and before we entered the room, they gave out lighters with small flashlight on the bottom. The audience was asked to enter the dark room, turn on their flashlights, and look for the book they interested in to know what happened in the artscene/artworld in Surabaya from 2010-2016.

When people asked why they named the project "sentolopology", Impoe answered that Sentolop means "flashlight" in Javanese, and there is a second-hand market in Surabaya which only open during the night, so people who wanted to buy something have to look through the pile of stuff in the darkness only using their flashlight (sentolop). The second room tried to portray the same 'process' like the second-hand market, digging the information about artscene/artworld in Surabaya between 2010-2016 is like finding stuff in the dark: depends on where your flashlight is pointed to.

This exhibition/discussion was their first step, though they admitted they had no idea where they will take this project to, or what is the 'form' they want to have for the next ones.

During the discussion, they said that what they did was not a 'research', but 'a process of collecting data'. Later on, they mentioned that 'data' is not important, but the 'process' and the 'performative aspects' that are more important. Though I didn't know much about performative aspect and if I relate it to my field, this presentation is not enough. You know, this felt too raw. In my imagination, if there's someone doing this kind of project and want to be appreciated by their performative aspect, I expected to see more than stacks of catalogues and also more documentation. It doesn't have to be the 'data' that is being presented, but their 'performance' as they visited the artists/collective/curators/writers. I think, it's should be like assessing someone if they are good enough trying whatever they're doing, in order to achieve something. In this case, it's like assessing them if they did enough effort to visit each one artists/collective/curators/writers to achieve their 'goal' (which is defining artscene in Surabaya).

That is for me, as an audience.

I might've gotten it the wrong way though, maybe they meant, for them, the process and the performative aspect is more important or at least 'stronger' than another. Anyway, as an audience, maybe there are some things they could improve (on the presentation); for example, the usage of extra documentation, such as infographic, or some device to play one or two of their interview with the artists/collective/curators/writers, or even their whole trip, so if there is anyone in the near future have the same question, they can look back to this project and evaluate the 'process', and so they can take what's good of it and leave what's bad. In another words, so they don't have to start over from zero.

Then, they added another question to the forum. This time was about 'event'. According to them, in Surabaya, there are some events, like Festival Seni Surabaya, Pasar Seni Lukis Indonesia, Biennale Jatim, there's also Dewan Kesenian Jawa Timur (East Java Art Council--the head office is in Surabaya), and there's a tendency of asal hajar (I don't know how to put it in English, basically it's something that you do without too much effort, not optimalized, little preparation, careless... or recklessly excecuted? carelessly excecuted?) by the organizer.

Second, they addressed about how artscene in Surabaya urges to have affirmation from another cities, e.g. Jakarta, Jogja, or Bandung, and tend to 'bring' exhibitions to those cities. Third, small group or collectives made more frequent events with a 'small' scale but the larger events are less frequent. Fourth, the lack of "steps to make artworks more refined, polished discoursively"--artists are too comfortable in their comfort zone because some particular works were good sales.

We have to apreciate and give a constructive feedback on this project, though. At least they went out to another city to present what they had achieved so far, also created blogs to share this project. A lot to work on, but it's okay. That's how life goes.


I have uploaded the artist talk recording on archive.org but it seems like they're reviewing it first, this is the link: https://archive.org/details/ArtistTalkSentolopologyArtProject.3gp (I dont think you can look it up on Google and found this link)



Eat It! - Solo Exhibition by Enora Lalet (pics only)

Eat It!
Exhibition by Enora Lalet
3 - 18 November 2016
Venue: Nuart Sculpture Park


a Good Samaritan

Couple weeks ago I went for a grocery shopping with Doni to a supermarket near our place. On the way home, we saw someone asking he parking guy where the gas station is. So the parking guy said "it's way too far from here! You have to go up till you near the bus terminal!" The guy was about to push his motorcycle after saying thanks to the parking guy when another local guys said, "you need help to push your motorcycle by stepping  the back footsteps?"

(In case you didn't know, here's the example. Source: http://jogja.tribunnews.com/2014/10/25/wahahaha-aksi-gotong-royong-unik-dorong-motor-mogok)

The parking guy was about to help Doni getting his scooter out when it happened. I was watching in awe, wondering how could that happen. Two strangers just met, not knowing each other, and one was offering help. I just had a similar experience few days ago, when Buto--my scooter-- all of sudden shut off in the middle of heavy traffic near Antapani, Bandung. I pushed Buto to the the side of the road and tried to kick-start it over and over again.

Oh there was something funny happened, after a few minutes trying to kick-start Buto and someone who walked past me just said "maybe you should blow the gas tank" and I did try and nothing changed a bit. Felt stupid for trying. Of course it wouldn't work.

Anyway, like 5 minutes after blowing the gas tank, someone--a construction worker--helped me and pushed Buto to the construction area near the intersection. There's a bunch of guys there and the place was quite hidden. They watched me as if I was not supposed to be there (which is true). On the other hand, I felt a bit sketchy but helpless at the same time (you know, just recently the crime rates in town rose up). They tried to kick-start, electric-start, and everything including almost open the machine cover. About 10 minutes later I heard Buto roar, and after thanking everyone in the site, I left. They didn't ask for anything, just helping.

These cases led me to another wonder; maybe you haven't heard of a protest near Sabuga ITB from a group, Islamic local group, to a service celebrating Christmas. The mob asked to end the service because they believed the service misused Sabuga ITB (Sabuga is similar to a convention hall, owned by ITB, to held various events like graduation, job fair, hijab festival, concert, etc. because it can be rented).

I felt rather ashamed. I don't know, maybe because I was raised in a family with different religion. Most are Islam, some are Jewish, and some family members are Episcopalians. Just... you know, even though Indonesia is mostly Islam, doesn't mean that you can forbid other religion practicing their beliefs, right? Why there are so much hatred and negativity in life? Don't people miss how it feels to feel peaceful? Or that warm feeling when we see something nice it melts our heart? Or, the simplest thing, when someone smiles and says thank you that they really mean it makes our day?

It's like paradoxical experience when I saw someone, regardless of their religion, helping out others in need purely in kindness and on the other hand a mob claiming themselves as a particular religion, forcing other religion to end their service.